english sux

I was just thinking that everytime I look back at my blogs I find a word I misspelled or some grammer I messed up. I don't want to look like I don't have good sense so I thought I would share my veiws on the subject. Personally, I don't think it's right and some one should do something about it, so here goes:

First, let's talk about a rule that teachers tried to teach me for 12 plus years:
"i before e except after c, most of the time"
Who came up with that? I'd like to kick their ass. That's not a rule, just something to confuse me. It would be like the NFL saying that from now on, the home team will have the ball for all the even numbered quarters (the whole quarter) and the away team for the odd numbers except during the play offs and maybe when it's raining. "i before e" makes my head hurt. What's the point, decide one or the other and be done with it.

There's lots of others but instead of figuring out all that's wrong with it, let's try to fix it. I'll give an example of how I think it should be done and explain. I'm not a teacher so give me a brake, I'll do the best I can. You'll see that my rules are very similar to texting so maybe they'll catch on.

   Example: "I am going to poke you in the right eye with a squirrel." (I know it don't make sense but WTF)
1. "I" that first word says it all. You got your moneys worth with it. That's the way all my rules would work.
2. "am going to" if your gonna do that, I bet you don't say it that way. You'd say "I'm gonna poke you in the eye!". So there, we took "am going to" and shortened it to "'m gonna", maybe even leave out a N but looks better with two of them and these are my rules. Why can't "gonna" be a word? There are lots stranger words than that. Again, my rules.
3. "poke" not much wrong here. You could leave the E off the end and just have a dash above the "O" to show that it's a long "O" but then everybody would need a new keyboard. That would be what the government would do and send everyone a voucher to pay for it. They waste enough of my money so what the hell, we'll have a silent "E".
4. "you" now this just pees me off. If I'm talking about me, I say "I", if I'm talking about you, shouldn't it be "U". U c with my rules, keep it simple. It's too easy.
5. "in the" nothing wrong here, leave well enough alone, but "in" should be just "n", what's that hurt.
6. "right" all I can figure here is that 1000 years ago, the dude that worked out spelling just loved "gh" and had to stick them in where ever he could cause they aint good for nothing here. It should be "rite", refer to #3.
6. "eye" now we're close to "e before i, except". In what world would "eye" be pronounced the same as "i"? Go back and look at the sentence "I am going to poke you in the eye", if it were "i am going to poke you in the i" you'd still know exactly what I meant and if you didn't, you'd figure it out when your right eye started to hurt.
7. "with a" this is OK, we could leave off the "a" because I didn't say "squirrels" so you know it's only one. I will admit that if you said "I am going to poke you in the eye with squirrel" you would sound a little retarded, so lets leave it in and add to this rule that you write it like it should be said.
8. "squirrel" I only used this word because I misspelled it in another blog but it's a good example. Compare it to the word "skunk" because skunk needs nothing changed. They both sound like "sk" at the beginning so the first 2 letters should be "sk". The next sound is "wa" so then you have "skw", you don't need the "a" so don't use it. You could have a vowel next, I'm open to debate on that. To make it simple, compare the last part of squirrel to "girl", that leaves you with an easy to spell and pronounce word "skwirl". Looks funny but I could spell that. Only thing, you might say it needs a "u" instead of an "i" but since I used girl as the example, keep it all the same. Plus if you did spell it with a "u", who gives a rats two-two, you'd still know it was a tree-rat wether (aint gonna start on wether) it was spelled skwirl or skwurl. (I think I like skwurl better so since it's my rules "girl" would be "gurl".)
   OK, we went from "I am going to poke you in the right eye with a squirrel" to "I'm gonna poke u n the rite i with a skwurl". Anybody that can't read that and understand what it means? Saves time and makes sense.

   Another example: Bob Russell
1. "Bob" my personal opinion but I like that. No other way to spell it except backwards and it still works. No rules even needed.
2. "Russell" why the hell are there so many letters used twice. You got a "s" and a "l" that aint doing nothing. Leave them out if they're not pulling their weight. If you get right down to it, you don't need the "e" either. It should be "Rusl", that's all you need. I wonder how much of my lifetime will be wasted writting those extra letters. I might could have used that time to discover a cure for cancer or at least drink another beer, either way it would have been more productive than writing "S"es and "L"s.

   Last example: numbers
There should never be any reason to spell out a number. 2 should be 2, not two. By spelling it out, you got to have more rules. Keep it simple. If you go to write out the number 8 or eight, you just confuse everything, (them dam "gh"s again) let 8 be 8. While we're on 2, there are 3 different ways to do it, two too & to, just put a 2 in and be done. Let the reader figure out what you mean, be more interesting that way. "I'm going 2 the store." doesn't read like your going to 2 different stores. Works with the 8s also, "I 8 lunch", you didn't have to write "ate", saved 2 letters.

OK, I've wasted enough time on something that just aint right. We should fix it. Might have been somebody like me that made up the rules we have now to simplify his life but if it was, I'd hate to see what he started with. From now on, I'm not going to worry about my spelling and grammer in my blogs. I'll try to do it right unless everyone wants to change the rules but I aint gonna wory bout it.