pooping

I was just thinking as I scanned the channels on the TV, I happened across a show that I hadn't seen before. It was "Dr. Oz", you know, one of those afternoon doctor shows kinda like "Dr. Phil" only this one was more medical in nature. The reason it caught my attention was because Dr. Oz was talking to a bunch of women about pooping.

I aint no doctor but from what I've heard, that's something more women should talk about. When I think about being "regular", that means at least once a day, sometimes two or three. I couldn't imagine only going once or twice a week, if I don't poop by lunch time, hell, I consider that to be constipation. I may be wrong but I think lots of women consider every two or three days to be regular.

Anyway, back to Dr. Oz. He was telling them that they should go daily (makes sense), it should float (fiber) and that it should be in the shape of a G (???). I didn't get that one and I look at my poop, I mean I thought everyone did.

sidenote: don't you hate those auto flush toilets that flush before you get a peek.

It's not that I want to see anyone else's poop but if it came outta me, I figure I should have a look. Anyhow, I aint never seen nothing that looked like a G. Since then I been trying but no G. Now the other day after dinner at the mexican resturant and a couple of beers, I think I spelled out the word google, but I couldn't look at that one too long, if you know what I mean. I've heard of people that could burp the alphabet but no pooping a G. (maybe it was a lowercase g ???)

I hope all those girls got something out of what he said, I mean if I was constipated a couple of weeks out of the month and on my period for four or five days, that would make me ill most of the time. I should have called in to the show, all you got to do to be regular is drink two or three beers a day, might even help with some of that weight women are always worried about.

While we're on the subject, don't you hate handicapped toilets. Nothing against anyone who needs them and if your taller than me you may not understand. I go into the restroom, only stall left is the handycap stall, sit down to take care of business and my dam feet don't reach the floor. It's hard to poop with your feet dangling in the air, nothing to push against I guess.

Several years ago, while at my brother-in-laws house, I went into the bathroom and noticed a large stack of books by the toilet. I had to ask him later "Why you got all those books in there?". He said that he likes to read until he gets in the "mood". I couldn't help myself, I had to ask "If your not in the mood, what the hell did you go in there for?". I mean holy crap, it's a lot more comfortable to sit in a recliner and read than on the toilet. I don't crap in my recliner, why would I want to read in the toilet. He is also the one that went out squirrle (this spelling prompted "english sux") hunting one cold morning and came back several hours later freezing without his coveralls. He wouldn't tell for a long time but he finally admitted that he had had to go to the bathroom and in his haste to get to it, he had thrown back his coveralls and didn't realize where the upper half had landed. He pooped in them and left them buried in the woods.

Something else I've learned recently, I jammed a finger on my right hand. I always figured you could get by using your left hand if something happened to your right. I never considered wiping your butt. I would say it's about like trying to pick your nose with your toe. You might as well staple the toilet paper to a post and just rub up against it, it just aint right.

Well, the first post to my blog was about pooping, you might say I got the s*** out of the way first. If you think it was too much information, you shouldn't have read it, I mean after all, the title was "pooping". I'll end with a quote from "Two and a Half Men", Jake is sitting at the table eating corn-on-the-cob, he smiles and says "Corn, it's like little bookmarks in your poop." If you didn't look at your buisiness before you read this, bet you do now. Might even try to make a G out of it.