getting old

I was just thinking about getting old and thought I'd pass along some of the things I've figured out and a few that I haven't. I'm midway through the 40's, so I figure there's a lot more to learn and if anyone thinks I'm making fun of them, get over it. I'll be there someday, only worse, more than likely.

First thing is farts (I've already discussed pooping so why not farts first). I don't know about everyone but seems like when I was younger, I'd be, for example, in church and the urge would hit. You could sit there and hold it or you could ease it out and nobody would know for sure where it came from unless you giggled. You could be in the car with a bunch of your buddies and let one rip so loud you couldn't here the 8-track you had playing. Something happens at about 40, aint no holdin'em in. And aint no use trying to be quiet either, whatever it is, that's what it is. Now I'm afraid if I tried too hard to hold it in, I'd poop my pants. I can handle everybody laughing at a little poot but if I poop myself.....

Another thing I've noticed is my arms are somehow getting shorter. When I go to read the paper, I can't hold it far enough away to see it. Can't figure that one out, my shirt sleeves still seem to fit.

At one time, I could just up and ride a bike 10 miles, maybe more, and never think a thing about it. Somewhere around 30, if I'd done that, I would think "Man, I'll be sore tomorrow". And of course I would be. Now I can sit in a recliner all day long and watch TV, get up the next day barely able to walk and think "What the hell did I do yesterday?"

Everyone knows about hair falling out and growing back in strange places. I think by the time I'm 80 or so, I'll look like a bald monkey.

I'm already bad about opening my mouth and saying too much. At some point as you get older, the filter between your brain and your mouth quits working. Boy, there's gonna be some folks pissed at me, I can't wait for that to kick in.

What's the deal with worrying about trees falling on your house, I've done been told that I planted some too close to my house. I just said that it would give me something to worry about when I get old.

I've already started to stock up on lawn mower blades so when I feel the need to sharpen them before and after I cut the grass, I'll be ready. Right now I do good to sharpen it once a year.

You kinda notice that it seems like most older people shrink a little bit. I'm starting to understand why, every year the doctor wants to take something else off. I'm begining to think that I won't have to worry about weight gain in a few years. (add that to the picture of the old bald monkey)

At what point will I start to go to bed at dark and get up at daylight? That aint even started to kick in yet.

I can't remember if there was something else I wanted to add to this blog or not. Oh well, it'll come to me later.
Randy, you should be proud of me, I didn't ask you for any advice at all on this blog.