you are a redneck if.....

you open your grill and this is what you find.

you might be a redneck if...

You might be a redneck if: During your wife's DUI hearing, the court clerk says "Order in the court." and you reply "Bud Light, please."

you might be a redneck if...

The last thing you take off before you go to bed is your hat.

good ole steve....

you might be a redneck if...

You might be a redneck if you buy your 4 year old son a hunting rifle for Christmas.

you might have a redneck thanksgiving if....

You might be a redneck if the conversation at the Thanksgiving dinner involves the phrase "Pass the Jack, please."

you might be a redneck if.....

Redneck #1 asks his buddy, Redneck #2, to help him put a crome air filter housing on his POS truck. In the backyard, under a tree, they get the original breather off the truck and realize that they don't have all the parts to put the new one on. Redneck #1 says "Let's go to the parts store in the truck so we can make sure we get what we need." Redneck #2, being the smarter one says "You dumbass, you can't drive this truck without an airfilter, aint no telling what'll get sucked down through the carberator into the engine." Redneck #1 thinks on this a bit then decides it'd be a good idea to take his tee-shirt and tie it over the carb, "That'll keep anything outta it." Looks like a good idea to Redneck #2 so they finish off their beers and load up and head to the parts store.

About a hundred yards out of the drive way the truck goes dead. After several minutes of trying to start it, they get out and open the hood. No sign of the tee-shirt except for the end of one sleeve sticking out the top of the carberator.

FYI     This is a true story and I'm not one of the rednecks.

i can call you a redneck if.......

This dude from Alabama helps us Mississippi folks look sophisticated. Oh yea, he had one tooth in his head, on the bottom and right in the middle.

ok, last redneck.... for a day or two at least

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.


12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.


13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.


14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.


15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.


16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.


17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

i can call you a redneck if......

6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.


7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.


8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.


9. Your junior prom offered day care.


10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines'.

to be continued (yea, it's redneck week on my blog)

i can call you a redneck if....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.


2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.


3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.


4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.


5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

to be continued.