Oil leak report

I don't see no stinkin' oil.

Goofy signs

I was going down highway 98 today, east of Panama City today and I saw a warning sign on the side of the road. It said "Caution Low Flying Planes". WTF? Who the hell is that for? Am I suppose to duck or what? Are plane hitting cars a problem here? Seems to me that maybe the planes should fly a little higher.....

no hassle returns

I keep hearing this add on the radio for Kohl's. It says they have "no-hassle" returns. You don't need a receit and it don't matter if you worn the clothes or not, they'll take them back and give you store credit. That gave me an idea. My wife buys a few clothes, I'm not complaining, she's not too bad (shoes are another story) but she does buy her share of clothes. With this no-hassle return, why can't she buy a week or two worth of clothes, wear'em, then take them back. She would have new clothes every week and wouldn't have to do laundry. Hell, she could even pick me up some and eliminate all the laundry. We could just stop by the store on Saturday afternoon with a full laundry basket, drop them off at the register and pick out some new duds.

Works for me, just have to convince her....

it's all good til the little orange stick falls off

As I tuned my radio to a new station, I was just thinking: What the hell exactly happens on these newer radios when you turn the dial. I don't want to sound like an old fart but in the old radios (70s and back), I knew what was going on. I turned the dial, it turned a rod that went through a coil of wire that was the actual tuner. I know this because I tore apart more than one old car radio. Nowadays, you tear into a radio and all you get are a bunch of little parts that don't look like they do nuthing. Not knocking new radios, they work fine, just hard to figure out. I guess they're better than the old radios, you know why I used to tear one apart from time to time? Because that little orange stick behind the clear plastic that tells you what station you're on would fall off. If you want to know how that works, it was on a tiny little cable that wrapped around the dial/rod. So when you tuned it, the cable would move the little orange plastic stick from one end of the dial to the other. You could tune one of your presets to say 88FM and another to 106FM then push the buttons to see how fast you could make the little orange stick move. (Notice that I didn't say 88.5FM or 106.3FM, weren't no such thing, you couldn't tune them that close.) It was all fun until you did it one too many times and the little orange stick fell off and rattled around in the radio every time you hit a bump. You had to find a station and wait til the DJ comes on and tells you what station you got it on. I never did figure out how to put that little orange stick back....

FYI-At one time I had a 1978 Cutlass that had every factory option on it. Including a AM-FM CB 8-Track Tape Player. Yea, I said CB, not CD. The mic for the CB was about as big as your head.

star trek

I was just thinking, how many times will the navigator of the Enterprise get thrown out of his chair before they decide to start wearing seat belts?

nothing to do with seatbelts but classic ST TNG

boy, is it hot!!!

those were the days

Wouldn't it have been cool to have one of these when you were a kid:

We thought a refridgerator box with some holes cut in it was great....

taters

I was just thinking about a baked potato, yea, I just ate one so why can't I be thinking about one. Potatoes are cheap, you can get one about the size of a football for a quarter or something like that, they're cheap anyhow. Five or ten minutes in the microwave, then wrap it in tin foil and put it in the oven until whatever your eating with it gets done, it's ready to eat. A little salt, pepper, butter and sour cream (all kinds of other crap is good but not necessary) and you can't beat it, right?

You ever eat a baked potato a Red Lobster? 

What the hell do they do to their taters? I've eaten at the Lobster a lot and I know it's not real seafood. Same as Taco Bell is not real mexican food. It's good but not real seafood. It aint cheap so looks like to me at least they'd learn how to bake a potato. This piece of crap looks/tastes like it was baked a week ago, left in the sun to dry out, then warmed up and put on my plate. How hard is it to bake a potato? Then look at the size of it! I poop bigger than that. Taters are cheap, seafood is expensive, who don't know that? If I ran a Red Lobster, I'd put a big ass baked potato on your plate, then pile up a bunch of shrimp and you'd think you got a butt-load of food. Actually you would, just most of it would be a cheap potato, that'd make the seafood go further. Before I did that, I hire the dude at Wendy's that bakes the potatoes for them to be the head chef!

That and I'd serve Busch Light at the bar......

simple

A woman beaten black and blue goes to the doctor.


The Doctor says, "What happened?"


The Woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."


The Doctor says, "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."


Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.


The Woman says, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"


The Doctor says, "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"

guess what?

"BP, rig owner Transocean and oilfield services contractor Halliburton have all pointed fingers at each other for the disaster."

I was reading a story about the oil spill and came across Halliburton. I wondered what all they were into so I Googled it. Holy Crap, I can't even begin, they've got their hand in everything. You'd think that between them and BP and Transocean, at least they'd have the money to clean up the mess they made in the Gulf but I bet Halliburton gets out of it. If you remember, our last vice-president was CEO of Halliburton before George W. picked him. (and he's also the VP that shot his hunting buddy in the face)

Here's a quote and a link to a story on Halliburton, you read it and kinda think they may have expected trouble:

"Halliburton is under Justice Department Securities and Exchange Commission investigation over allegations of improper dealings in Iraq, Kuwait and Nigeria," Whitley Strieber wrote March 12, 2007.

Halliburton announced on March 12, 2007, that "it would open a corporate headquarters in the United Arab Emirates city of Dubai and move its chairman and chief executive, David J. Lesar, there." [1] "Halliburton will remain a US company subject to US laws, but Dubai has no extradition agreement with the United States, meaning that Mr. Lesar could not be compelled to return to the US to testify, stand trial or serve any sentence related to any Halliburton activities under investigation."
The company will also maintain its existing corporate office in Houston, Texas, "as well as its legal incorporation in the United States, meaning that it will still be subject to domestic laws and regulations."
In February 2007, "Congress was told that $2.7 billion paid to Halliburton and its subsidiaries and subcontractors for work done in Iraq was either excessive or unsupported," Strieber wrote. "Another upcoming investigation that affects Halliburton is the current scandal at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. The Washington Post reported that the Army agreed to privatize the operation of Walter Reed by awarding a $120 million contract to IAP Worldwide Services, a contractor with connections to KBR, a Halliburton subsidiary."
"Although the announcement of the new Dubai arrangement took many by surprise, Halliburton said that the move was part of a strategy announced in mid-2006 to concentrate its efforts in the Middle East and surrounding areas, where state-owned oil companies represent a growing source of business."

Hallibuton Info

Bunch of damn crooks......

another reason dogs bite

if you dress your dog like this, you should expect to get bit....

woman sues google

I was just thinking, this woman is sueing Google because the directions she got from Google Maps told her to walk out into a busy street.

the actual story

She's also sueing the driver of the car that hit her. What if the driver was also using Google Maps? That would mean Google sent them on a crash course. Google knew it would happen. If that's the case, then this woman should get about a billion dollars, don't you think? That's would be some kind of paradox, wouldn't it.

If that doesn't work, I got an idea for her. She should sue her parents. I mean, if she's that stupid, they should have left her in the woods some were or drowned her in the sink.

Anyhow, I'm headed out to buy some lottery tickets. I think I'll Google "where to buy winning lottery tickets" and if I don't win, I should have a good case to sue Google. So I win either way.