people are like slinkies

fruit

I was just thinking, if a tomato is a fruit, why don't you put it in fruit salad?

tigertext

Have you seen this? Tigertext: you use it to send text messages and after a some amount of time, they're deleted from your phone and the phone you sent the text message to. I'm thinking that Tiger Woods is a shoe-in for sponsoring this. If he ends up getting divorced, this app could have saved him about $400 million. They say it was developed and named before all Tiger's shit hit the fan but I don't know, they're gonna be cashing in now.

In my world, it would be nice to use if you did a lot of "drunk-texting". Another thing it brings to mind is something that happened to a guy I work with. I'll change his name to Stanky, just so I don't piss anybody off.

Stanky is working night shift one night, his wife and kids at home. Considerate fellow that Stanky is, he decides to send his wife a text message about the time she should be going to bed. He types "I love you darling, have a good night." Keep in mind that Stanky had been covering for the shift supervisor. As a supervisor (or covering for one), you keep a lot of phone numbers in your phone for quick access, all kinds of people you got to call if the plant goes down. If you need parts in the middle of the night, you call the purchasing manager to get the part you need. Stanky had just called the purchasing manager (we'll call him Ike) an hour or so before he tried to send the text to his wife. Ike and Stanky had not had a very productive conversation, Stanky wasn't happy because he couldn't get the part he wanted and Ike was not happy because he had already turned in for the night. Later on, Stanky types in the message for his wife "I love you darling, have a good night." Insead of sending it to his wife, he ends up sending this message to Ike, the purchasing manager.

The next day at the moring meeting in front of about a dozen people, Ike says that he was really touched by the message that Stanky had sent him. He reads it to everyone at the meeting, including Stanky.

I bet Stanky is already signed up for Tigertext.

chicken soup

Chicken Soup for the Beer Drinker

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--Tee Mans

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa

?

yep, i'm going to hell

That's right, I'm a terrible, evil and mean person. If making some spoiled little kid cry and thinking it's funny makes me evil and mean, then I can live with it.

My wife and I were in Sam's the other day. Some 5 year old was whinning about something, I don't know what, I just know she was to old to be doing all that whining. Her mother, evidently, was immune to the annoying ass sounds coming from the 3' tall mini-devil because she never acted like she heard it at all. We finally parted ways in the book section only to meet up again in the meat department. After the oblivious woman finally got out of my way so I could get to the ribs, I heard her tell the devil-child to stop running around and be still. The child never slowed up, never even acted like her mother said anything.

This child needed an ass-whipping. I don't mean a spat on the leg, I mean ass-whipping. I'm talking about the kind of whipping that would make you freeze in your tracks if your mother whispered "stop" at you. When we were little, my bother could have slammed my hand in the car door and if mother had of hissed HUSH between her teeth because she didn't want anyone to hear me crying, the snot would have literally stopped running out of my nose until I thought it was safe, she'd say hush and you would stand there quivering, not even letting the snot run.

Back to the devil-child, she's running around in circles, looking at the ceiling, her mother is looking through the hamburger meat, saying "stop, don't, quit it" with no authority what so ever. I grab my ribs and decide it's time to leave before I have to squash her little pea-head. Only obstacle is the kid, doing circles in the 8 foot wide ailse that is my escape route. Surely I can get by her so I head out. As I start, she heads directly for my buggy, still saring at the roof. I stop my buggy, they got cameras all over the place nowadays, catch me speeding up and hitting the kid and I could go to jail. Kid is still coming at me so I back up a bit, too late.

Just as she lowered her head to look at her suroundings, her forehead was about 3 inches from the corner of my buggy and she was moving way too fast to ever stop in time. I had time to pull the buggy back to lessen the impact a little (I did it before I could stop myself). Her forehead smacked the corner of my buggy (not hard enough to draw blood but maybe leave a mark). Her head snapped back and for just a moment, our eyes met, before the tears blurred her vision, I think she saw the beginnings of the grin on my face.

My wife and I new without speaking that it was time to make like a horse turd and hit the trail. We were both fixing to bust out laughing and that wouldn't look good, standing over some kid screaming like she'd been kicked when her mother came over. I heard her mother ask her what happened but she was crying to hard to understand what she said. Figure by the time her mother could understand what she was saying I'd be long gone and still laughing.

So maybe I'm evil and going to hell, least maybe there won't be no snot-nosed kids there (they probably go to hell too so I'm screwed).

Research reveals link between beer and bone health

Research reveals link between beer and bone health

Posted In: Environment
By EurekAlert
Monday, February 8, 2010

A new study suggests that beer is a significant source of dietary silicon, a key ingredient for increasing bone mineral density. Researchers from the Department of Food Science & Technology at the University of California, Davis studied commercial beer production to determine the relationship between beer production methods and the resulting silicon content, concluding that beer is a rich source of dietary silicon. Details of this study are available in the February issue of the Journal of the Science of Food and Agriculture, published by Wiley-Blackwell on behalf of the Society of Chemical Industry.

"The factors in brewing that influence silicon levels in beer have not been extensively studied" said Charles Bamforth, lead author of the study. "We have examined a wide range of beer styles for their silicon content and have also studied the impact of raw materials and the brewing process on the quantities of silicon that enter wort and beer."

Silicon is present in beer in the soluble form of orthosilicic acid (OSA), which yields 50% bioavailability, making beer a major contributor to silicon intake in the Western diet. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), dietary silicon (Si), as soluble OSA, may be important for the growth and development of bone and connective tissue, and beer appears to be a major contributor to Si intake. Based on these findings, some studies suggest moderate beer consumption may help fight osteoporosis, a disease of the skeletal system characterized by low bone mass and deterioration of bone tissue.

The researchers examined a variety of raw material samples and found little change in the silicon content of barley during the malting process. The majority of the silicon in barley is in the husk, which is not affected greatly during malting. The malts with the higher silicon contents are pale colored which have less heat stress during the malting process. The darker products, such as the chocolate, roasted barley and black malt, all have substantial roasting and much lower silicon contents than the other malts for reasons that are not yet known. The hop samples analyzed showed surprisingly high levels of silicon with as much as four times more silicon than is found in malt. However, hops are invariably used in a much smaller quantity than is grain. Highly hopped beers, however, would be expected to contain higher silicon levels.

No silicon was picked up from silica hydrogel used to stabilize beer, even after a period of 24 hours and neither is there pick up from diatomaceous earth filter aid.

The study also tested 100 commercial beers for silicon content and categorized the data according to beer style and source. The average silicon content of the beers sampled was 6.4 to 56.5 mg/L.

"Beers containing high levels of malted barley and hops are richest in silicon," concludes Dr. Bamforth. "Wheat contains less silicon than barley because it is the husk of the barley that is rich in this element. While most of the silicon remains in the husk during brewing, significant quantities of silicon nonetheless are extracted into wort and much of this survives into beer."

Hell, I been drinking milk with breakfast, thinking that was good for my bones.........

albert

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein

to infinity and .....

If the universe is really infinite (that's a big if) and half of it was destroyed (by the Borg or the Dark Side of the Force or something), how much would be left?

Just wondering? How much is half of an infinite number?

if you are allergic.....

If you are allergic to any ingredient in this product, DO NOT USE.

This is an actual warning on a bottle of contact lens solution. Are there actually people out there that would use something knowing that they were allergic to it? Would some one really think "I'm allergic to peanuts but what the hell, I'll have a Snicker bar, surely the Mars company wouldn't put peanuts in it."

I think if you're stupid enough to need this warning, it wouldn't be of much help to you anyway. If you're not smart enough to figure out the obvious, we got to have a bunch of warnings and regulations to protect ya. Then there's a butt-load of lawers just sittin around waiting on some one to do something stupid so they can sue somebody who wasn't at fault to start with. Ever heard of evolution? If we'd quit letting all the stupid people come up with excuses, we'd weed them out eventually or most would wise up some anyhow.

You can get out of a crime by "innocent by reason of insanity", there should be a "guilty by reason of stupidity.

545 vs 300,000,000

545 PEOPLE

By Charlie Reese (article forwarded to me)

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red ..

If the Army &Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems..

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.

cupid fail

object of life according to bob

what's up with all the traffic on my blog today???

bottled water

I was just thinking; I wonder who the first dude that said "I bet I can put water in a bottle and sell it" was? I would'a told him he was stupid. I think we spend over $22 billion dollars a year on bottled water.

I looked up a few facts about bottled water: The federal regulations that govern bottled water require it to be only as good as tap water, not better. Only as good as tap water? You'd think it would have to be special or something.
Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) released a report called "Bottled Water, Pure Drink or Pure Hype?" NRDC's report points out that as much as 40% of all bottled water comes from a city water system, just like tap water. 40% from city water systems. Just because it says "spring water" on the label don't mean it came from a spring.

How about these folks that drink their bottled water then recycle the bottles. Do they do that just to make themselves feel better. I think if you're that worried about the enviroment, you should quit buying bottled water. It takes 3 gallons of water to produce 1 gallon of bottled water, them 3 gallons were probably as good as what they put in the bottle. It takes 17 million barrels of oil to produce and transport all that bottled water (produced in a year) and it takes 1850 gallons of water to refine a barrel of oil. Crap, that's 31.5 trillion gallons of water. I don't know for sure but that sounds like a lot of water.

Don't get me wrong, there are a couple of bottles of water in my refrigerator. There're convenient to carry around and they usually get refilled with tap water until the bottle gets cruddy looking, then I throw it in the trash. I'm to tight to buy it all the time, over 90% of the cost of bottled water is in the bottle, lid and label.

I also read somewhere that the plastic that the water is bottled in gives off something (I don't care what it is) that may cause cancer. Yea, right and using a cell phone will give me brain cancer and crossing the street might get me run over by a truck.

And to think, I used to drink outta the water hose in the back yard.

buzzinga!

from "The Big Bang Theory" on CBS:



yea, i'm lazy, just posting videos but what the hell......

half time commercials

here's a couple that didn't make the superbowl....

redneck beer review #3

32 oz. Bud Light Draft

There's one place that I know of where you can get this beer, D'Casa Mexican Resturant in Tupelo, MS. The food is good, free chips and salsa and Monday night is "2 for 1" margarita night. This beer is not for sipping, at 32 oz, you got to drink it. That's right, 32 ounces, one quarter of a gallon. There are 2.7 regular beers in each one of these, keep that in mind if you're driving. It runs $3.75, I call that a bargin for a beer in a resturant. You can have a Corona or a Dos XX if ya want, I'll take a Bud Light, no lime please.....

What I like about it:

1. It's ice cold in an ice cold glass. Seriously this glass is super cold.

2. It's Bud Light, less filling, taste great and all that crap.

3. Did I mention that it's 32 oz?

4. Comes with chips and salsa. To hell with a lime in my beer, give me chips and salsa on the side.

What I don't like:

It's Monday night, 1/2 price margarita night. I gotta drive so one is my limit.

REDNECK RANK:

An ice cold six pack after cutting the grass in July.

hot now!

some folks will do anything for a doughnut!!!

(it's an inside joke)