fun things to do at the mall....

You may find your self in the mall more than you'd like to be over the next few weeks. Here's something to do to pass the time while waiting on your wife:

1. Buy a cheap combination lock. If you are near a Dollar Tree, pick up 6 or 8, that should be enough for a days worth of entertainment. If you can't find the cheap ones, get 1 to start with and see how it goes.

2. Unlock the lock and find a bench to sit on, preferably one with a view of a lot of people walking by.

3. This step may take a while so be patient. Look for some dude to come by with those tunnel earrings, you know, the big ass whole in the ear lobe with a loop in it. Probably better to make sure he is alone, you'll see why in a minute.

4. Now, when this dude gets in just the right spot, run up behind him and slap that lock in his ear and quickly lock it. You may need to practice this step, it's very important to insert the lock and lock it in one quick motion.

5. RUN. As long as he's alone and you get the lock locked, you won't have any one chase you. As soon as you think it's clear, duck into a store and watch from the window.