Redneck beer review, sometime later

Last new thing and back to the Busch Light. This stuff is fruity but good. It's Mike's Classic Margarita Peach, if you can't read the label.

FYI, I didn't leave no bottles on the beach, picked up mine and some stuff some other dip-weed left.

Redneck beer review. 30 minutes later

Ok, 2 different things in one day. Kinda tart, like key lime pie in a bottle.

Redneck Beer Review 9/24/10

Had to try something new. Good lemonade with a kick.

Fun things to do on the beach.....

Take a bag of cheetoes and start feeding the seagulls. After you get about a thousand gulls following you, go up to a little kid, throw about half the cheetoes in the air and hand the bag to the little kid. Then run before the kid realizes the gulls want the bag.

If you plan it right, you can be back in your chair before the birds attack the kid and the sceaming begins. Just make sure the parents are laid out relaxing so they can't figure out exactly what happened.

Sorry but I wasn't fast enough to get a picture and I think her brother was on to me.

the gene pool

I was just thinking, as I was trying to eat my lunch while two snot nosed kids jumped up and down on the booth behind me, it sure would have been nice if someone had chlorinated the gene pool.....

r u bored?

I was just thinking, if you're like me and don't have kids, here's something fun to do when you're bored.

Hire a babysitter. Tell them that the kid is asleep and you'll be back later. When you come back, ask "Where the hell is my kid?"

Capitalization

I had my say about what I thought about english and spelling but I think I'll leave capitalization alone....

english sux

stress

I was just thinking, everybody is always whining about stress. My job is stressful. Too much stress at home. Driving to work is stressful.     Well, I think they're full of horse s**t!

Here's a list I found on the Internet of what somebody thinks are the most stressful jobs:
1. President
2. Firefighter
3. Senior corporate executive.
4. Race car driver
5. Taxi Driver
6. Surgeon
7. astronaut
8. Police officer
9. Pro football player
10. Air Traffic Controller


Let's look at each one:
1. President     I think this is a job you gotta want to have, you don't just put in a general application at the employment office and this is the only job you hear back from. Plus you have to spend about a billion dollars to get elected, I kinda think you know what you're getting into before hand so get over it. Then the job only last for four years but the salary is for lifetime, don't that make it a little better?
2. Firefighter     Yea, this one is stressful but not for the redneck volunteers that just want to chase the fire truck and think the flashing red light in their pick-up will help them pick up chicks.
3. Senior corporate executive   No, not stressful. There's always someone below you to blame things on unless you get in too deep and then it's your own fault.
4. Race car driver     I think car racing is a sport, right? You wreck your car, who gets hurt? You or some other race car driver. I think everybody knows that's part of it. If it's too much for you, take up taxi driving.
5. Taxi driver    It's your job to drive around in traffic. What's the problem?
6. Surgeon    OK, that's stressful. Unless your some plastic surgeon working on some rich woman's lips because she doesn't want to look old.
7. Astronaut     You don't get drafted to be an astronaut, it's like the president, you gotta want the job.
8. Police officer    Like firefighter, this one is stressful.
9. Pro football player     It's a sport, like race car driving and the MINIMUM salary in 2010 is $325,000. Most of the players that make minimum sit on the bench, the ones that play make more. What's stressful about that, getting tackled? I can solve that, don't get tackled, no stress and you'll make more money.
10. Air traffic controller     I don't know about these guys but if it's that bad, maybe they should go stand at the door at Wal-Mart.

I don't think we really know what stress is today.
Imagine this:
It's 10,000 BC, winter time, about 20 degrees out, you're a cave dude and haven't eaten in three days. You have to go out, hope you can find something to eat AND hope that a saber toothed cat don't find you for his supper first. Now this dude can say he's stressed out....

i'm glad we pay these dip weeds

This is from the Connecticut State Senate. I sorta figure (as a matter of fact, I'd bet a dollar) they're all the same, including the ones in D.C.

Do you know what a Dip Weed is?

junk mail

Crap-mail just irritates the puke outta me. I don't know why it bothers me so much, maybe I'm a little OCD (or anal if you don't know what OCD is) but it does. It could be because I don't like to waste my time going through my mail, deciding what's junk and what's not, I could be doing something else, even taking a nap would be more productive. It could be because I pay to have my trash picked up, so I'm paying to get rid of something I didn't want in the first place. It could be because it's a big freaking waste. I'm not gonna sign up for the credit card but the credit company can spend 44 cents on postage and I'm guessing 50 cents or so for the paper, envelope and labor. That's a dollar by my estimate, I can't imagine them getting more than one or two people signed up for every hundred they send out. That's 100 bucks more or less to get one customer (maybe two customers but I figure the way things are today, one of them will never pay off his card anyhow). If they can afford to do all that, they're making too much money to start with. Advertise a cheap rate and I might sign up for a card, other than that, leave me the hell alone.

Back awhile ago, I heard about a guy who'd save all the return envelopes he got in junk mail. Then he'd wrap up a brick, stick the envelope to it and send it back to them. If he had an old pair of shoes to throw out, he'd stick'em in a shoe box, slap a return envelope on it and send it off. Sounded like a cool idea to me but too much effort. I got a better idea plus since the Post Office is going broke due to the lack of volume, it'll help them out too.

Save up all your junk mail for a week or two. Then one night when you're bored or had a bad day at work, go through all of it and remove any personal info from it and pull out all the postage-paid return envelopes. Take the envelopes and stuff them full of all the paper/crap left over. Take the Best Buy flyer and send it to the Bank of America. Take the Pay Day Loan ad and send it to Wells Fargo. If you don't have enough to fill them all up, empty out the cat's litter box or something. Then take the whole pile to a post office box and drop it off.

You'll feel better, knowing you helped out a postal worker and you sent all that crap back to the folks that sent it to you in the first place. Evidently they have plenty of money and time, they can deal with it or they could just stop sending all that crap to you.

thanks for all the forwarded emails.....

I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..hmmmm
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.
I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up a Pennie dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t e-mail this to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.