dog bites

this is why dogs bite:

Signs for stupid people

Are there really people who need this warning?
DANGER: Harmful or Fatal if Swallowed. Combustable.
You got worse problems if you need that on the label of a bottle of charcole starter.....

microwave

I was just thinking: How come if you put a frozen dinner in the microwave for 10 minutes, it'll still have ice crystals in it but if you put it back in the microwave for 3 more seconds, it comes out roughly the temperature of the surface of the sun? There is no "just right".....

another damn quote

Try to be the person your dog thinks you are,
but don't do too much ass sniffing.

walk ins welcome

I walked in and told them that I wanted a x-ray. They wanted to know why, I told them the sigh said 'walk-ins welcome', I just wanted to check my bones out. I left after that, I think they were calling security.

latest blond joke

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.

Out of order

I was just thinking, what the hell does 'out of order' mean? Shouldn't it just say BROKE. Makes more sense don't it? My wife pointed this one out to me.